Actual Reality
by YourGirlThursday
Summary: Takes place after That Scene in 1x10. (Post finale fic)
1. Chapter 1

**That finale! Spoilers** **ahead if you haven't seen it!**

* * *

Cameron was really starting to hate hospital beds. He had never had any great fondness for them, but his new propensity to wind up in them was irritating. This one looked different than his previous one. It was more spacious, more modern. The glass walls had words written on them, but they were impossible to read in the dim light.

His immediate concerns were a glass of water, something to put his dry-as-dust contacts in, and and a nurse. He was a little hazy on the details. A searing pain flashed across his brain whenever he tried to search for what had happened. Between that and the pressure he felt on his chest, he figured it was time to call a nurse. Then he could call Kirsten. He was too tired to pretend it was for any reason other than he wanted her.

Cameron tried to sit up, but was met with resistance. He peered down the bed. A blonde head rested right over his heart. It was Kirsten sleeping on top of him. If she had been awake and listening, she would've heard a slight uptick in Cameron's heartbeat. He took a deep breath to calm himself down. The movement shifted his sleeping partner slightly. She snuggled into him further.

Cameron hated to wake her, but he needed to. The tricky part was how he was going to do it. He thought about touching her face, her hair, but that seemed too intimate. Her hands her wrapped up in his shirt. His best bet was her arm or shoulder. It was a safe place to touch her. His hand found her elbow. He moved a little higher and gently squeezed her arm. Kirsten's breathing became shallower though she didn't wake up.

"Wake up, sleepyhead," Cameron whispered as he shook her arm lightly.

Kirsten burrrowed deeper into his chest. "Not going home Camille." Her grip on his shirt tightened. "Can't make me."

Cameron's heart clenched. She had refused to leave him, still wouldn't. "No one's making you leave. I just need to see a nurse or something."

Kirsten yawned softly. Cameron couldn't see her face, but he could tell she was waking up. Eventually, she adjusted her head against his chest. A sigh of relief escaped her. Cameron's heart clenched.

Kirsten was listening to his heartbeat.

After she was satisfied with that she moved so she could see his face. Her eyes squinted at him in the darkness. "You're awake?"

Cameron nodded. "And alive. It appears that was up for debate." He cleared his throat. "How long have I been out for."

"You flatlined at 8:53. We brought you back at 8:57. I'm not sure what time it is now, but most people cleared out around midnight." Kirsten leaned over her side of the bed. She grabbed her phone off of the table there. Her fingers flew across the screen. "I'm letting the rest of the team know you're up. Everyone's been worried." She flung her blanket off and got out of the bed.

"Did you sleep on top of the covers?" Cameron asked in amusement.

Kirsten raised an eyebrow. "It's what you did when you watched over me."

Cameron laughed. "I guess I did, didn't I? " He let Kirsten tuck her blanket over his, then placed his hands gently over one of hers. "You're welcome to join me anytime."

Kirsten stared at their joined hands. She smiled and searched Cameron's face. "You scared me today. And surprised me actually." She pressed a quick kiss to his forehead and placed her free hand on his cheek. "I don't know what I would do without you."

Cameron leaned into her touch. There was something different about the way Kirsten was looking at him. It set a thousand butterflies free in his stomach. It was too much to think she felt the same as he did, right?

"I'm going to go find Ayo so she can check your vitals." Kirsten let go of him. "I'll be right back."

Cameron stared at the ceiling, wondering what the hell just happened. Kirsten had never been that affectionate with him. Had he said something about his feelings for her? He remembered asking her why she didn't trust him. He remembered having a plan.

Then it came back to him in stunning clarity: he had essentially killed himself. Cameron remembered thinking it was the only way to find the guy hunting them down. He needed to keep Kirsten safe. It was a drastic measure, but it felt right at the time. Everyone else had balked at his idea. He forced their hand when he administered the drug himself. Once he was better, Cameron imagined there would be a long line of people wanting to yell at him for being so cavalier. Linus and Camille would probably come back once or twice for good measure.

Cameron looked around his room again. It clicked for him that he was still at the Stitchers lab. His travel case sat on the table next to him. He rifled through it for his contact case and glasses. Whoever had packed it brought both, thankfully. Cameron filled the case with contact solution. He peeled both of his contacts off and placed them in the case. His eyes stung less now that he'd removed the dry pieces of plastic from them. He put his glasses where he could easily reach them, then laid back down.

Ayo and Kirsten appeared in the doorway. Cameron wondered if Ayo had been up when Kirsten found her. She was alert and efficient. The yawns she stifled behind her hand were the only giveaway that she had been sleeping only moments before. She finished his vitals and seemed satisfied with them.

Ayo had barely left the room when Kirsten climbed back into bed. She arranged herself just as she had before, head over his heart. Cameron almost suggested that she get under the covers, but he held back. He wasn't sure if that would break their little bubble. Instead he wrapped his arm around Kirsten's shoulders.

"I'm sorry I scared you," he told her.

Kirsten sucked in a deep breath. "Let's not talk about that now. You need your rest." She moved in closer. "Good night, Cameron."

She fell silent, but not asleep. Her breathing wasn't deep enough. Cameron laid there for a moment taking in the feel of Kirsten in his arms. He tried to hold off on sleeping so he could hold her just a little longer. When he finally drifted off to sleep, he noticed that Kirsten was still awake, keeping watch over him.

* * *

 **There are probably going to be four or so chapters to this. If anyone wants to talk about the finale, you can find me on Tumblr. My username is your-girl-thursday :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Holy moly you guys! The response to this was really overwhelming. Thank you all so much! I kept trying to end this chapter, but didn't want to leave it on an unhappy note. Hopefully you like where it ends :)**

 **Cameron's texts are bolded. Kirsten's are bolded and italicized.**

* * *

The smell of coffee pulled Cameron awake. His eyes fluttered open. He reached his arms out, grasping for something that wasn't there. The bed felt bigger and colder than it had the previous night. It took a moment for him to figure out why.

Kirsten had left.

There was also the possibility that she had never been there in the first place. Cameron's heart sank. It wouldn't be out of the ordinary for someone to hallucinate or dream up a loved one after a traumatic injury. Between the concussion and stitching, his brain _had_ taken quite a beating.

Cameron slid on his glasses and took a better look around the room. There were no windows so it was impossible to tell what time it was. He noticed Tim standing near the wall drawing. His dry-erase marker squeaked against the glass. Cameron looked at all of the messages on the wall. Most were generic 'get well soon' notes with a signature attached. Camille had written a message about how she was still a padawan and had much to learn. A little green figure Cameron assumed was Yoda accompanied the text. Linus wrote that Cameron was the only person he trusted to have his back in Destiny and how he couldn't play without his friend. Cameron took that as a sign his friend wasn't mad at him any longer.

The source of the coffee smell was on his bedside table. Two to-go cups sat there. One was labeled with his name and the word 'DECAF' in all caps; the other had Kirsten's name on it. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. Maybe he hadn't imagined her there after all. One of her cardigans hung over the back of a chair. Her purse rested on the floor.

The thing that hit Cameron hardest was the item next to his contact case. It was the crystal the psychic had given him that he in turn had given to Kirsten. Did she specifically bring it from home? Had it been on her when he was out? Either way, the gesture warmed him. She was trying to protect his heart.

Cameron picked up the coffee with his name on it. He took a sip and smiled. It was exactly how he liked it and still warm. The contented noise he made was enough to catch Tim's attention. He turned around and stared at Cameron. His eyes widened then squeezed shut.

"Shit, you're awake." Tim slapped his hand over his mouth then removed it. "I didn't mean it like that it's just Kirsten. It took us thirty minutes to convince her to go take a shower, change, eat something, whatever. She's barely left this room. She's going to be so pissed you woke up when she wasn't here."

Which meant she had been there the night before. Cameron's heart raced at the thought. He had not imagined her. "Is she really that worried?"

Tim laughed. "Dude, she's practically unrecognizable at this point. She's been sending us off on assignments. Linus had to get bagels from some deli you like. He also got all of your clothes and stuff. Camille did a coffee run and packed Kirsten a bag. I placed a lunch order to pick up later. We even have a schedule for who is supposed to be sitting with you today." Tim pulled a folded sheet of paper out of his pocket and unfolded it. "See for yourself."

Tim handed Cameron the paper. It was a photocopy of a handwritten page. The original looked like it had been written on a legal pad. Faint lines ran across the grainy page. The handwriting was nearly illegible due to how fast it was dashed off. Every hour was accounted for. Cameron guessed the current time was around 9:30 in the morning. That was Tim's only shift. It was only for a half an hour. It clearly had been a last minute addition, written in by Maggie with her initials next to it. The half hour broke up a three hour block of Kirsten's. To be fair most of the time was blocked off for Kirsten or KC. There were only two other names on the list. Maggie was a fairly obvious choice, but the other confused Cameron.

"Camus? You guys resurrected a dead author to come babysit me?" Cameron joked.

Tim smirked. "It's Camille and Linus. Kirsten was in a hurry and wrote that instead of both names. The rest of us can't decide if we should pronounce it 'came-us' or 'cam-us.' We've actually been alternating to see which one works better."

"It's cute. I'm going to use it every chance I get." Cameron smiled at the thought of his two friends together. They were such an odd match. Camille was tough as nails and sarcastic, even though she was a marshmallow at heart. Linus was earnest and wore his absurdly large heart on his sleeve. They had shocked Cameron at first, but made so much sense together once he saw them that way.

Tim turned around and peered through the glass. "Can you do me a favor and pretend to be asleep? I really think Kirsten will kill me." He ran a hand through his hair. "Especially if she realizes I didn't get her the second you woke up. Seriously, you didn't see what it took to get her to leave. Although if she had gone when I _originally_ came in, she'd have been back by now."

Cameron raised an eyebrow. "I highly doubt she'd kill you. Go get her now if it's such a problem."

Tim shook his head. "I don't think she'll ever leave this room again. She feels guilty enough about things."

Cameron's eyebrows furrowed together. "What do she have to feel guilty about? It was my decision."

Tim winced. "I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have said anything. We shouldn't be talking. Please go back to sleep."

Cameron laid back down. "Fine." He pulled the blanket up over his shoulders and rolled over.

"They're both so stubborn," Tim muttered before going back to his drawing.

Cameron closed his eyes to appease Tim. He had no actual intention of sleeping. He wanted to see Kirsten the moment she walked back through the door. Unfortunately for Cameron, his body had other ideas. He slowly drifted back to sleep within minutes.

* * *

When Cameron woke up a second time it wasn't coffee that made him open his eyes. It was Kirsten. The scents of both her shampoo and body wash were overwhelming. It was hard to pinpoint what they smelled like. They weren't citrusy or floral or musky. The best word Cameron could come up with was clean.

Cameron watched her through mostly closed eyes. Kirsten's chair had been pulled up right next to the bed. She was huddled up in the corner with a legal pad balanced on her thigh. She scribbled some words on the pad then paused. Her left hand was close to Cameron's right one. Every so often Kirsten's fingers would lazily, almost unconsciously, trace meaningless designs along his wrist. The sleeve of her large, gray sweatshirt trailed after, nearly swallowing her whole hand.

Cameron realized that the sweatshirt was his. It was huge on him so she was swimming in it. The ends of her hair dripped onto the fabric, leaving a collection of wet spots. Kirsten might not notice time passing, but her body did. There were smudges under her bloodshot eyes. A pang of guilt hit Cameron in the stomach. He had caused all of this worry and her sleepless night.

He moved his left hand so it sandwiched her hand in between both of his.

Kirsten's head jerked toward him. A small smile spread across her face. She set the pad and pen on the bedside table and turned toward Cameron. He rolled onto his side so he could see her better.

"Morning, Stretch." Cameron frowned and looked around for a clock. "At least I think it's still morning."

Kirsten pulled out her phone with her free hand. She looked at the display. "It's just past eleven, so it's barely morning. You've been asleep maybe an hour."

Cameron winced. "Tim told you?"

Kirsten rolled her eyes. "It wasn't hard to guess. I came back and you were wearing your glasses. Better luck next time, Bond."

"Whoops," he said sheepishly. "Well, now you know I really must've been tired if I forgot something that obvious."

An amused smirk tugged at the corner of her lips. "I guess you must've been."

"I really did try to stay awake for you," he told her, trying to convey how sincere he was.

Kirsten leaned closer to him. "I'm sure you did."

Cameron stared at their tangle of hands. He pushed back her sleeves so their palms were touching. "So what are you working on there? You looked really serious."

"See for yourself." Kirsten moved the legal pad to the bed. "Be careful. This is my only copy."

Cameron sat up and crossed his legs. He reluctantly pulled one of his hands away from Kirsten's. She grabbed onto the remaining hand with both of hers. A pleasant warmth spread through him. Kirsten being affectionate was definitely something he could get used to.

"Just a question: why the legal pad, Ace? You could type so much faster and not have all of this crossed out stuff." Cameron gestured at the pages in front of him.

"Not even I can hack pen and paper," she told him seriously. "This is everything we know about Robert Barbiero and who he was working for. I don't trust a computer with this information."

Cameron skimmed over the information. "Did you guys run the plate I saw or make a composite of the shadow guy's face?"

Kirsten's fingers tensed up along with the rest of her body. An icy chill coursed through Cameron's veins. If they hadn't done either thing, then they probably didn't have that information. That meant he had failed. He had sacrificed _everything_ for nothing.

"The stitch didn't work, did it?" He asked already knowing the answer.

Kirsten thought for a long moment. "The stitch worked. I just wasn't able to make out the memory. Other ones kept crowding it out. Linus thinks it was because you were only clinically dead. Ayo said it might have been the concussion. You were still processing that memory when you got hurt." She looked at the ceiling then back at Cameron. "We should probably talk about what I saw though."

There was something about her hesitancy that scared Cameron. Kirsten was always so straightforward. She didn't mince words and usually said what was on her mind.

"You kept focusing on something. I think it's what was going through your head when you died." Her last word trailed off like she was leading him down a line of thought.

Cameron thought back to his (almost) final moments. The only thing he had been thinking about was how he would never forgive himself if Kirsten got hurt. He had to do everything in his power to keep her safe. When the realization hit it knocked the wind out of him.

His thoughts had been on Kirsten. He had been thinking about how much he cared for her. All of the blood ran out of his face.

"What did you see?" Cameron asked, wincing at the tremble behind his words.

"I saw a lot of myself. It was like a greatest hits compilation of our partnership. That first day we met. Dancing at the rave. Our talk after I broke up with Liam." Kirsten looked down at their hands. "I felt _everything_."

Cameron hadn't had anything to eat in hours, but something rose in his throat. A sick churning took over his stomach. Kirsten didn't have feelings for him. It wasn't his near death experience that caused her newfound closeness. It was just a reflection of his own feelings for her. He withdrew his hand from hers.

"Are you experiencing residual emotions?" Cameron asked, willing his voice not to crack.

Kirsten face fell. "No. Why would you think that?"

Cameron threw up his hands helplessly. "It wouldn't be the first time. Remember Scott Ross? After you stitched into his wife you wanted to look out for him and protect him. So isn't it possible that when you slept with me - _next_ to me - or held my hand you were just doing it because of that?"

Kirsten crossed her arms. "I felt something for Scott Ross because his wife did. By that logic I should be off staring into a mirror." She shook her head. "I've been touching you so much because I realized how comforting it is. You went cold in my arms. When they were trying to resuscitate you, I couldn't get too close to you. Now if I touch you I know you're alive. Usually you enjoy it too." Kirsten bit her lip. "Plus, I got to see that kiss from your side, and I'd like to experience it for myself."

A flush crawled up Cameron's neck. "I want this to be real, but what if it isn't?"

"It _is_ real. I've always felt strongly about you. The last week or so I've just noticed it more. I realized there was a reason it felt different." Kirsten stood up and grabbed her legal pad. "If you're unsure though, I'll stay back and give you some space."

"I just need some time to think," Cameron explained. He didn't want to send her away, but it was getting harder for him to remember why this was a bad idea.

Kirsten walked backward toward the door. "Okay. Can I come back later to talk about the mystery guy? It'll be purely professional, just work talk."

Cameron nodded. "Sounds good."

Kirsten reached the doorway. She leaned against the frame for a moment. "I'll send Ayo and Linus down. Stay out of trouble until they get here. Ayo worked really hard to bring you back to life."

Cameron laughed. "I'll do what I can, but I make no promises."

Kirsten rolled her eyes in mock annoyance. She left the room and walked down the hallway. When she disappeared from view, Cameron groaned and buried his face in his hands. He felt like such a jerk for not taking Kirsten at her word. She was usually pretty good about identifying which emotions belonged to her. He should trust her, but some sense of self-preservation cringed at that idea.

If she kept smiling at him like that though, it was a question of 'when' not 'if' he would cave.

* * *

It was mildly irritating how well Kirsten kept to her word. Cameron only saw her for their little work meeting. The rest of his day had revolved around his health and his friends keeping him from getting bored. Linus and Camille completed several crossword puzzles with him and played a game of Settlers of Catan. Camille won, a fact she would be reminding them of for weeks to come.

After that Maggie had him on Skype with a cardiologist. Ayo was a fantastic doctor, but she wanted to double-check things given his heart condition. The cardiologist had been told that Cameron was a government analyst who had been attacked. She looked over the EKG's and tentatively declared that Cameron would be fine. He had an appointment to see her for further tests later that week. It had been decided that he would stay one more night. It seemed like more of a precaution than anything.

The meeting with Kirsten had been one of the strangest moments in Cameron's life. Her attitude had been all business when she laid out all the details about their mystery adversary. She even brought photocopies of her outlines and notes. They made little progress connecting dots and coming up with more information.

There were moments Kirsten's professional facade dropped. Cameron caught her looking at him in that new way of hers. It was slowly becoming more familiar to him. After the third time he made eye contact with her, Kirsten scowled the whole rest of the meeting. When it looked like her expression might flip into a smile, she deepened her frown. It was comical and adorable at the same time. The urge to kiss her overwhelmed Cameron for most of the visit. Some ridiculous part of his brain kept him in check.

The visit had been all too short. Camille showed up asking if Kirsten was ready to go home. The blonde had turned toward Cameron, asked if he wanted her to stay. It was clear that she wanted him to say 'yes.' Cameron didn't though. He told her to go home and that she deserved to sleep in a real bed that night. Her expression clouded, but she didn't try to talk him out of his decision. Kirsten merely told him she would see him the next day.

If Cameron had made any mistakes that day, letting Kirsten go home was the biggest. He was all alone in the dark room. His trusty tablet was there to keep him company, but it was almost dead. He used the last of its juice to order a delivery of flowers to Ayo's place tomorrow. He felt bad that she was sleeping on the other hospital-issue bed they had.

All Cameron wanted was Kirsten. The quiet of his room left him with just his thoughts for company. The more he thought about it, the more he trusted Kirsten and her feelings. She knew her own heart better than anyone. Who was he to question that? The fear was still present for Cameron though. He didn't know what would happen with them. He spent so much time pining and hoping she would notice him that he didn't have a plan for if she did. There was a high likelihood that he was mess things up terribly.

But that was all a part of the risk.

Cameron decided it was time for him to get his head out of his ass. He picked up his phone and pulled open his messages. He didn't have to scroll for Kirsten's name. She was at the top of his list.

 **What's shakin'?**

Cameron cringed at his phone. It wasn't his finest attempt at a text, but he was proud of himself for sending it.

 ** _Making tea, reading a book._**

Cameron wondered if she had his sweatshirt on again. It had mysteriously disappeared during their meeting, leaving her in a sleeveless blouse and cardigan. That had disappointed Cameron. There was something sweet about seeing her in it.

 **Ugh. I wish we had some tea in the breakroom. I could go for a cup.**

 ** _Shame. Mine is good. Very soothing._**

Cameron checked the time on his phone. It was just after ten, which wasn't too late, but Kirsten hadn't had much sleep. She was up anyway, but Cameron felt bad keeping her awake. The guilt was especially strong since he was the reason she didn't get much sleep the night before.

 **You'll have to teach me your ways :)**

 ** _Dr. Smartypants admitting he doesn't know how to do something?_**

Cameron laughed to himself. He was kind of a know-it-all. Having Kirsten tease him made things feel a little more normal. She began telling him about how Camille was the one she stole her tea preference from. She loved lemon and honey in her tea. Kirsten modified things by adding sugar as well. Camille complained every time she saw her roommate do that. Cameron had never seen Kirsten make tea. It had to be something the girls did after dinner.

 **I wish you were here.**

Cameron typed out the text and sent it before he could overthink things. It was an honest moment from him. There was something about the dark that made him bold. It helped that he couldn't see her face.

Well, it did until she didn't respond right away. Every second felt like a lifetime until she texted him back.

 ** _Unfortunately I can't drive over._**

Cameron smiled at her response. It was so practical.

 **I should've asked you to stay.**

 ** _You really want me there?_**

Cameron didn't know what to say back. There were so many things he wanted to tell her that he couldn't over the phone. She'd felt most of it when she was in his mind. He settled for the truth at its most basic level.

 **Yes**.

The phone remained silent. Cameron stared at it, willing Kirsten to say something back. A minute passed and then another. Uncertainty washed over him. Maybe he had gone too far, revealed too much. Logic squashed that line of thinking fairly quickly. Kirsten had been inside his head. She had _felt_ how much he cared about her. If the depth of his feelings was going to scare her, that would've been the time.

"Must be some book you're reading," a voice called from the door.

Cameron's head shot up. He fumbled his phone and dropped it on the bed before moving it to the table. Kirsten was here, now. The lighting in the hallways was dim, but he could see she was holding two mugs. Cameron's smile stretched so wide it almost hurt.

"I thought you went home with Camille."

Kirsten walked toward him and held out a mug. "Just because you told me to go home didn't mean I had to listen."

Cameron remembered saying something similar to that when he showed up after her breakup. He took the mug and sipped from it. "Thanks for the tea."

Kirsten settled into the chair next to the bed. "I was already making some for myself."

"Did you know I would change my mind?" Cameron could only just make out the shape of her face in the light.

"I hoped you would. It turns out I was right." Her last word turned into a yawn.

Something kept popping up in the back of Cameron's head. "Where were you going to sleep? Ayo's here so she got the other bed."

Kirsten shrugged. "There are other places to lay down here."

Cameron scrunched his face up. "Please tell me you are not referring to the corpse cassette. That's just creepy."

Kirsten laughed. "No, um there's a cot Linus found in the storage closet."

The relief he felt was soon replaced with concern. "That doesn't sound very comfortable."

"It isn't."

Kirsten watched him patiently, expectantly. She continued to drink her tea, waiting for something. It finally occurred to Cameron that she wouldn't ask to share his bed. She had said she was giving him space. This was her doing that. If he wanted her, he would have to verbalize it. Cameron was glad for the lack of lighting. It kept his blush a secret. He set down his mug.

"You could stay with me. I mean we know the bed is big enough." He internally rolled his eyes at how lame that sounded. "I think I would sleep better with you next to me."

Even in the dim lighting, it was clear his admission had made Kirsten happy. He could see the edge of her smile. "I'd like that."

Cameron laid down on his bed and got under the covers. He shuffled into the far corner to give Kirsten enough room to climb in. His glasses came off. Kirsten placed her mug on the bedside table and rose from her chair. She awkwardly tried to slide in next to him. There were several wires to avoid, which made things tricky. At one point she nearly elbowed Cameron in the stomach. She finally settled in like she had the night before, with her head resting over his heart.

Cameron toyed with her hair, running his fingers through it. "I'm having trouble picturing how you did that without waking me up last night, Grace."

"Very slowly," she murmured.

It was as if all the stress of the last week and sleepless nights hit Kirsten all at once. Her breathing became deeper with each breath. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep. Cameron's arms tightened around her. He marvelled at how well she fit in them.

"Good night, sweetheart," he whispered into her hair before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. He slowly drifted off to the faint hum of the machines and Kirsten breathing.

* * *

 **I actually really like the Camus ship name, but it confused me a little the first time I saw it. I couldn't figure out was Albert Camus had to do with the show. Whoops.**


End file.
